CG's Fairy Tale theater: Dancing Princesses
by Rocky and CG
Summary: This is my friend C.G.'s parody of the famous fairytale. Very funny, very peculiar. Strange converstation about Gaav in the beginning too...this discussion is why this fic is rated PG-13. G/L


Again, Another Slayers Fairy Tale  
  
  
  
C.G.: What are you up too?  
  
Xellos: Writing a best seller.   
  
C.G.: What?   
  
Xellos: To keep myself busy. My general job has gotten so boring lately. Nothing to do. I don't want to end up like Gaav.   
  
C.G.: What happened to him?  
  
Xellos: The usual. At the end of the show, he was out of work. He was never very popular with the fans. They all like Phibby because Phibby is cute and Gaav looks  
like… ::sweatdrop::  "Phibby this" and "Phibby that" he'd say. "That little %$#@!" The only work he can find is porn.   
  
C.G.: Porn?   
  
Xellos: Yes, under a different name. Gaav is a really stupid porn name. I only know of one at the moment: Erotic Torture Chamber. Here's a synopsis of it from Anime Addiction:   
  
Maryu, also known as the Demon Dragon King, is determined to conquer the whole continent of Laan. After going off on a killing spree, he sets his sights on Princess Yuri of Asronia. Taking her captive, Maryu decides to make the young and untouched Yuri his sex slave by breaking her will to resist his advances. It's all up to Maya, Yuri's female ninja bodyguard, to rescue her before she ends up as another one of Maryu's "pleasure slaves".  
  
C.G.: I wonder how they get him in just one frame.   
  
Xellos: "Pleasure slaves" ::snicker:: The sad thing is, there's no torture chamber in it. Lord Zellas was so disappointed. And worst of all, they didn't put a bag over his head! ::shudders:: I must say he is doing better than Hellmaster.   
  
C.G.: What's he doing?   
  
Xellos: Phibby can only get work on the most annoying cute little kiddie shows and so he turned to booze and drugs.   
  
C.G.: Enough dirty details for a book…  
  
Xellos: Hmmm…   
  
C.G.: Enough.  
  
Xellos: So, are we ready for another installment involving characters and stories you don't own?  
  
C.G.: Yep.   
  
Xellos: Goodie.   
  
C.G.: Once upon a time, there was a great kingdom. But all is not well within the royal family. One of the princesses was very sick. She always looked tired and she never wanted to get up. No one knew what the cause was. She would to go to bed at a good time. No one saw her leave the room. The strange thing about it was that one of her pairs of shoes would be worn out and tattered by the next morning.   
  
Xellos: That's normal for girls. That's why they need at least 1,000 pairs of shoes stored away in the closet.   
  
Phil: Gracia! Tell me what's going on here!!!   
  
Gracia: Too… tired… headache… need Jack Daniels…Zzzzzz…  
  
Phil: And just who is this "Jack Daniels"?   
  
Amelia: It's a brand of hard liquor.   
  
Phil: ::groan:: And you two didn't see anything?   
  
Amelia: Nope.   
  
Lina: Not me.   
  
Xellos: Lina's adopted in this story, right?   
  
Phil: To make sure this doesn't happen again; you two are moving in here! I want this to stop.   
  
C.G.: That night, all three princesses went to bed. Amelia and Lina didn't notice anything funny. After a while, they went to bed. When Gracia believed that both her sisters were asleep, she got up and into in a beautiful dress and brand-new shoes. She then started quietly chanting…  
  
Xellos: And when is she ever quiet?   
  
C.G.: Then a bright glow appears under the floor.   
  
Xellos: It is just Xalxix the Evil Floor Demon from Hell. Nothing to worry about.   
  
C.G.: She taps the ground with her heel and magical trapdoor appears on the floor that opens instantly.  
  
Gracia: Here I come…  
  
Lina: And just where are you going?   
  
Gracia: ::sweatdrop:: I…   
  
Amelia: How did you do that?   
  
Gracia: Uh… One day a prince of an alternate world came through this trapdoor and greeted me.    
  
Xellos: Pervert!   
  
Gracia: He invited me to his party he holds every night. The palace is the most wonderful place I ever been, the men there are hot, and free booze! We just dance all night and have fun.   
  
Lina: ::growls:: How dare you have fun without us?   
  
Amelia: Can't we go?   
  
Gracia: ::sigh:: But don't tell father.   
  
C.G.: They agree and get dressed.   
  
Lina: No… No… No…  
  
Amelia: ::sweatdrop:: Would you just pick a dress and come on! They'll hear us!  
  
Lina: ::growls:: All right.   
  
C.G.: They go down the stairs of the trapdoor and do not return until dawn. Prince Phil is horrified to find all of his daughters there too tired to get up and, yes, their shoes worn-out.   
  
Xellos: I hardly see this as shocking.   
  
C.G.: Phil asked all his servants but no one saw them leave the room.   
  
Phil: You tell me right now what's going on!!!!  
  
Lina: Zzzzzzzzzzz… What? I dunno… Zzzzzzzz…  
  
Amelia: I don't remember. Zzzzzzzz…   
  
Gracia: Jack Daniels… Zzzzzzzzz…   
  
Xellos: Oh, those college fraternity parties. ::laughs::   
  
C.G.: With no other alternatives, Phil puts out an announcement throughout the land. There will be a huge reward for whoever solves this mystery by watching them through the night and stopping them or catching them in the act.   
  
Xellos: What? Can't they just lock them in the dungeon or give them some Veritaserum?   
  
C.G.: What is the magic rule in fairy tales?   
  
Xellos: All characters are idiots. Strawberry Pop-tarts are smarter than fairy tale…  
  
C.G.: Xellos, what was that word you used again?   
  
Xellos: What? ::sweatdrop:: Oh nothing…   
  
C.G.: No, no… I heard that from somewhere.  
  
Xellos: I meant truth…  
  
C.G.: You too have been consumed by…  
  
Xellos: NO!!!! IT'S NOT TRUE!!!!   
  
C.G.: Whatever… The punishment of failure was a week in the dungeon for wasting the prince's time. Even so, many people came from all around to try to get the huge cash reward…  
  
Xellos: ::sobs:: I just wanted to read about the giant snake!!!!!  Sherra tricked me into reading it! It's all her fault!  I'm weak!!!     
  
C.G.: …and hopefully hand in marriage of one of the princesses.   
  
Guy: ::drools:: So, how about you just tell me what you've been up to?   
  
Gracia: Nice try. ::laughs:: boing boing boing It'll take more than that!   
  
Lina: Pervert.   
  
C.G.: But the bizarre thing was that no one was able to stay up the whole night. Every morning, Phil would find the "babysitter" sleeping and his daughters drowsy as ever. Weeks pass and the same thing happens every day; so much that no one wanted to try anymore. Until one day, a stranger enters the kingdom. He is a young, hot mercenary who carries all his belongings in a sack.  
  
Xellos: All fairy tales must emphasize the fact that the main guy is hot.   
  
C.G.: He spots the reward notice on the side of a building.   
  
Gourry: Hmmm… All that money just for babysitting princesses and keeping them from leaving their room? What an easy way to get money. I can change diapers. I can't believe all these wussy men that I run into…   
  
Storekeeper: No, no. The princesses aren't babies.   
  
Gourry: Then why do they need a babysitter?   
  
Storekeeper: Something strange is going on in that castle. No one was able to complete the task yet.   
  
Gourry: I wonder why no one is able to stay up. I'll try anyway.   
  
Storekeeper: You airhead! If you don't solve this mystery, you'll be thrown in the dungeon for a week.  
  
Gourry: So? I'm broke. Besides, I'll get free food in the dungeon.    
  
C.G.: With this, Gourry sets off for the castle. When he gets there, he is treated very warmly.   
  
Phil: HI THERE!!!!!  
  
Gourry: ::sweatdrop:: Maybe this was a bad idea, I can get more than enough money being an escort for rich old ladies…  
  
Phil: COME ON IN!!!!!!!!  
  
Gourry: ::cries:: Save me!!!!  
  
Xellos: No. He scares me too.   
  
C.G.: Phil introduces Gourry to his daughters. Gourry immediately heads for the food.   
  
Amelia: That's strange. Why is he acting so unconcerned?  
  
Gracia: Yeah… Most of them would be flirting with us by now trying to get one of us to slip our secret.  
  
Xellos: You can tell your secret to me. I won't tell anyone.   
  
Amelia: Or try to get us drunk.   
  
Gracia: They should have known it wouldn't work! I'm not going to up with their games. I'll have none of that! ::laughs::   
  
Xellos: Not even Yatzee?   
  
Gracia: I think he got something up his sleeve, what do you think Lina? Lina?   
  
Lina: runs SAVE SOME FOOD FOR ME, YOU JERK!!!!!!!    
  
Gracia: She can keep him busy for once. Most of the guys keep flirting with me. It's so tiring! ::laughs:: boing boing boing   
  
Amelia: Gee, I wonder why.   
  
Xellos: Because she has the prettiest pair of eyes I ever seen.   
  
Amelia and Gracia leave as Lina and Gourry attack the dessert table.   
  
Lina: ::munch:: So, Gourry… ::munch:: Have something to ask me?   
  
Gourry: ::munch:: Yeah, when's your bed time?  
  
Xellos: Dumbest pick-up line ever.  
  
Gourry: I don't want to disappoint your dad by letting you stay up real late. ::munch::   
  
Lina: What?   
  
Gourry: Little girls like yourself shouldn't be able to stay up so late. ::munch::   
  
Lina: ::growls:: I am *not* that little!!!! Didn't you even read… Huh?   
  
C.G.: She looks down and sees Gourry looking under her dress.   
  
Gourry: ::munch:: Wow, I wasn't expecting this from the top half. Now I see!  
  
Lina: GRRR… GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!   
  
WHACK PUNCH KICK BOOM   
  
Lina: JERK!!!!!!!   
  
Gourry: ::groan:: What did I do?   
  
Phil: Can I talk to you for a minute?  
  
Gourry: Yes?   
  
Phil: The reason why I posted this job is because every morning my daughters are tired…  
  
Gourry: Do they have bedtime?   
  
Xellos: If they still have a bedtime, that's real sad.  
  
Phil: This just started recently. At first, it was just Gracia and now they're all tired. They don't get out of bed until well after noon. And they're still tired. They don't want to go outside or do anything but sleep.   
  
Gourry: Interesting…   
  
Phil: And they go through a brand-new pair of shoes every day. A pair of shoes ruined in just one night! No one sees them leave the room or the castle.   
  
Gourry: I figured it out!   
  
Phil: You did?!?!?!  
  
Lina: Huh?   
  
Gourry: The reason why they're sleeping all day is because… they're vampires! Everyone knows vampires sleep during the day and wake up at night. They use their vampire powers to leave the castle unnoticed and chase their victims through the streets all night! It's obvious why they don't want to go outside, they'll turn into dust! I heard to save them you have to kill the main vampire, Count … whatever. ::laughs:: That was easy!   
  
Lina: I AM NOT A VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
WHACK   
  
Xellos: Well, it does make sense. Yes…   
  
C.G.: Lina takes Gourry outside into the garden to prove she isn't a vampire. They sit down on a bench and Lina stares at his bag that he sets down next tohim.   
  
Lina: What's in there? ::grins:: Let me guess, you did have a plan for tonight.   
  
Gourry: Huh? No, these are just all my worldly possessions in there except for my sword that I am wearing.   
  
Lina: I can see that, Gourry.  
  
Gourry: This cloak and these boots in here were gifts. They were given to me from this blonde lady for helping her out. The only other possessions in here are my prized collection of books.   
  
Lina: Oh…  So, you came here with no plans for tonight?   
  
Gourry: Wait! I did!   
  
C.G.: Lina watches Gourry search through his bag.  
  
Xellos: I will be all alone with three hot princesses! Heh… Heh… So, I brought some whipped cream and a box of Trojans. TROJAN MAN!!!!!   
  
C.G.: No comment.   
  
Xellos: "No comment" is a comment.   
  
C.G.: My foot up your ass will really hurt.   
  
Lina: What is that? A spell book?   
  
Gourry: No… Classic Children's Bedtime Stories!!! I know every single one and I'm good at all the parts too. This should put you guys right into a peaceful…  
  
WHACK   
  
C.G.: That night Gourry sits on a chair in the hallway facing into their room. He cannot see their beds but has full view of their window.   
  
Phil: Now the only way they can get out of the room is through this door or out the window. Don't go to sleep. See you tomorrow. leaves   
  
Gourrythinking: Why would anyone not obey orders from this guy? Strange. ::sweatdrop::   
  
Xellos: I wouldn't disobey, that's for sure.   
  
C.G.: After the girls stressed that they didn't want to be read any bedtimes stories, he sat back down in his chair and took out his prized collection of Garfield comics.   
  
Gourry: Uh no… Odie, watch out! Garfield's going to kick you off the table!   
  
Gracia: Excuse me.   
  
C.G.: Gourry looks up and sees a wine glass being held out to him. The other princesses are standing at the door.   
  
Gracia: It's so nice of you to be doing this for us. Here!  
  
Gourry: Thanks.   
  
Gracia: It's one of our very best.   
  
Amelia: Hope you like it.    
  
Lina: Now we're going to hit the sack.   
  
Gourry: Ok…   
  
C.G.: Gourry realizes he lost his place and sets down the drink. He glances up for a moment and sees the princesses staring at him nervously as they head towards the beds.    
  
Gourrythinking: So that's how they're doing it. smiles   
  
Xellos: You could have guessed before you put down the glass.   
  
C.G.: He sits and reads for a couple of minutes, then he takes a coin out of his pockets and rolls it down the hallway.   
  
Gourry: Oops.   
  
C.G.: He gets up, picks up the glass, and heads down the hallway out of the princesses' view. He pours the wine into a flowerpot.   
  
Xellos: Then the plant dies.   
  
Gourry: This wine was really good. sits back down How old was this stuff?   
  
Gracia: It's over a hundred years old.   
  
C.G.: Gourry can sense the worry in her voice was gone. He then slumped over and pretends to go asleep.   
  
Lina: Is he asleep?  
  
Amelia: I think so.   
  
Lina: That was close.   
  
C.G.: Unknowing to them, Gourry is watching as they get ready.   
  
Xellos: Heh, heh…   
  
C.G.: Not like that, you perv! After they enter the trapdoor, Gourry gets up and takes the cloak and the boots out of his bag.   
  
Gourry: So I was wrong about the vampire thing. Hmmm…   
  
C.G.: With that, he heads down the long staircase.   
  
Gourry: ::groan:: Will these stairs ever end?   
  
C.G.: When he finally gets to the bottom, he finds himself in a forest of diamonds.   
  
Gourry: Where am I?   
  
Xellos: I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore.   
  
Gourry: Are these real?   
  
C.G.: He takes a few diamond leaves from the nearest tree and stuffs them in his pocket. Luckily for Gourry, there is a path to follow. Soon, he finds himself in a forest of silver.   
  
Gourry: I think my mom would like these silver pinecones.   
  
Xellos: She would rather get letter once in a while, you idiot son.   
  
C.G.: He travels further into a forest of gold.   
  
Gourry: I don't have to worry about starving anymore.   
  
C.G.: He looks ahead and sees the princesses in the distance. They are waiting near the bank of the river near rowboats. Gourry throws his cloak, not just a regular cloak but an invisibility cloak, over him so he can get closer. …  
  
Xellos: What?   
  
C.G.: Are you going to say something?  
  
Xellos: Why would I? Don't look at me like that.   
  
C.G.: Gourry watches as three handsome princes get out of their boats and help the princesses get in.   
  
Gourrythinking: Why would they cover this up?   
  
C.G. When everyone was settled in the boat, they took off to the nearby island.   
  
Gourry: I guess I better follow them.   
  
C.G.: His boots that the blonde lady gave him were hover boots that allows him to walk over the water.   
  
Xellos: Unlike Link's crappy hover boots that'll make you fall into the water in three seconds.   
  
C.G.: When he finally catches up, he finds himself in front of a huge castle.   
  
Gourry: looks in window Dancing? I thought this job would be something much cooler than this, like vampires.  
  
C.G.: He slips unnoticed into the ballroom. The three couples were dancing away the night but the princesses were in some sort of trance. He looks up and sees a lady on the second floor sitting near this huge crystal. He carefully passes the dancing couple.  
  
Prince 1: He never notices me anymore, maybe if I get him jealous…  
  
C.G.: He slowly moves his hand on Lina's back south.  
  
WHACK   
  
Gourrythinking: I guess trances can't stop that from happening. ::sweatdrop::   
  
C.G.: When he gets upstairs, he heads towards the lady and the crystal.   
  
Queen Beryl: ::laughs:: Soon, this crystal will absorb all their energy and I will be able to power this machine to destroy Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask!!!   
  
Gourry: … ::sweatdrop::   
  
C.G.: Gourry whips out his sword and destroys the crystal. Queen Beryl only saw the sword's light.   
  
Queen Beryl: ::sweatdrop:: What???  
  
Xellos:  Lord Zellas can kick her ass in two seconds.   
  
C.G.: The dancing stops as her minions rush upstairs. The princesses broke out of their trances as they feel themselves being pushed out the door.   
  
Lina: Grrr… Who's pushing?   
  
Gourry: No time! You guys get out of here!!!    
  
Queen Beryl: They're getting away!!! Jadeite! Kunzite! Zoicite! AFTER THEM!!!!   
  
Xellos: Attack of the bishies.   
  
C.G.: Gourry and the princesses run until they get to the bank of the river.   
  
Amelia: Oh no… We can't use our magic here!  
  
Lina: They'll catch up with us in the boat.   
  
Gourry: I know. Grab on to me.   
  
C.G.: After he picks Amelia and Lina up…   
  
Gourry: You have to get on my back. DROP THE BOOZE!!!!!   
  
Gracia: ::groan:: Fine…   
  
C.G.: She finds his back and gets on.  
  
CRACK  
  
Gourry: ::cries:: MY BACK!!!!    
  
Lina: ::sweatdrop:: Get going!   
  
Amelia: Just try to get to the other side Mr. Invisible Person sir.   
  
Gourry: I'll try…   
  
C.G.: And they head off to the forest.   
  
Amelia: We're almost there.   
  
Lina: They're right behind us.   
  
Gourry: ::cries:: GET OFF!!!!!!!!   
  
Amelia: Are you ok, mister?   
  
Gourry: No… It hurts…  
  
Gracia: Hurry and get on my back.   
  
Lina: ::sweatdrop:: Here they come!!!   
  
C.G.: Beams shoot past them so they race to get back to the stairs. But the forests have changed. Instead of a forest of gold, it was now a forest of snakes.   
  
Gourry: Ignore them! Keep going!!!   
  
C.G.: The forest of silver has also changed into a forest of bats and the forest of diamonds has been changed into a forest of...   
  
Lina: ::screams:: SLUGS!?!?!?!?  
  
C.G.: She tries to jump on Gracia's back forgetting Gourry is there and pulls the hood off his head.   
  
Amelia: YOU?!?!  
  
Gourry: We just need to get up the stairs now! Then we'll be out of here!  
  
C.G.: Lina zips ahead and gets up the stairs in four seconds. The villains still chase them from behind.   
  
Queen Beryl: THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!!!!  
  
Kunzite: You were staring at him, weren't you?   
  
Zoicite: no…   
  
Kunzite: Are you mad at me for not paying enough attention to you?   
  
Zoicite: Do you love me?   
  
Kunzite: Of course I love you.   
  
Xellos: Let's get back to the story, shall we?   
  
C.G.: Half way up the stairs, Jadeite closes in on them.   
  
Jadeite: Heh. Take this! shoots beam  
  
Amelia: AHHH… What should we do?   
  
C.G.: Gourry takes one of the boots and throws it at his head. Jadeite loses his balance and falls backward.   
  
Xellos: Have a nice trip; see you next fall.   
  
Jadeite: Ow… Owww… Owww... Ow… Owww… all the way down the stairs    
  
C.G.: They make it back to the room.   
  
Lina: Seal the doorway, quick!   
  
C.G.: Just then, Queen Beryl reaches the trapdoor.   
  
Queen Beryl: I'll get you, you little brats!   
  
C.G.: Gourry throws his remaining boot that hits her in the forehead and sends her back down the stairs, landing on Jadeite.   
  
Jadeite: Oww…   
  
Kunzite: How about tomorrow, just you and me? Dinner and dancing?   
  
Zoicite: Oh Kunzite, I love you!   
  
Xellos: I love you too! But I like Diamond better.    
  
Queen Beryl: I hate my life.   
  
C.G.: When the sun rises, Prince Phil finds a different scene in the princesses' bedroom.   
  
Gourry: OWWW!!!  
  
Amelia: It still hurts?  
  
Phil: What's going on in here?   
  
C.G.: The princesses explain everything and Gourry shows the wonderful treasures from the forest that was in his pocket. Phil was glad this whole ordeal was over and gave Gourry the huge reward. He then courted Lina who, in great approval, beat him up. They dated for several months and got married. And they all lived happily ever after…  
  
Xellos: …until Lina blew up the castle.   
  
C.G.: The end.   
-----------------------  
  
+ This fairy tale was titled "The Worn-Out Dancing  
Shoes" Don't sue.   
  
  



End file.
